It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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