She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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