I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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