y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
