I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
