you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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