Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you still have your period?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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