hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
