The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
