I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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