If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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