I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
