this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
