Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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