I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
