And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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