Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
