Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
