Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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