im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman