Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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