Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.