OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.