Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
