You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.