And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Success! We fucked roommates!