The maid of honor just puked.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The adults are the big ones right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
