Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
