the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
