Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
