Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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