so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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