Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
