ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
