I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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