So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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