I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
