sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
