Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
