the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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