Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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