Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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