in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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