Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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