Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
