I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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