I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
