The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
