Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
