i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
