Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Life is so much better after having sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
