it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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