I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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