at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
