flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
