Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
