If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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