We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
