Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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