if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A bitchslap is in order.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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