woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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