someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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