Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
